Once You Know


When I first looked at the question, How does our perspective change our reality? I had no idea how to proceed. It is simple enough on the surface, one of those questions that seems to invite a tidy answer and perhaps a clever sentence at the end. Yet there was something underneath it I couldn’t quite put my finger on. So, as they say, if you want to know how you feel about something, write. Or something like that.

The first thing that came to mind was something I heard decades ago while attending a discussion on religion. It was a lively discussion, I assure you, the sort where everybody arrived carrying convictions and nobody seemed particularly interested in leaving with fewer of them. The leader kept repeating the same phrase:

“Your perception is your reality.”

At the time, I thought it was a cop-out. A philosophical dodge dressed nicely enough to sound profound. I remember thinking, Stand your guns, man. Pick a side. Are you a namby-pansy? It’s okay if you are. It’s all about know thyself, yeah?

Funny thing about getting older: sometimes it takes decades to understand something you were absolutely certain you understood the first time.

The truth is the truth. Our perception does not possess some magical authority to rewrite it. A thing does not become true simply because we believe it, fear it, need it, or repeat it loudly enough. What perception can change is the version of that truth we are willing to accept. Sometimes we don’t have enough information. Sometimes experience hasn’t taught us what we’re looking at yet. Sometimes we are simply wrong.

And sometimes we know damn well it’s a lie.

That last one bothers me.

T.S. Eliot gives us a wonderful example in The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock. Prufrock spends so much time trapped within his perception of himself, and imagining how others perceive him, that possibility becomes something he can contemplate but struggles to inhabit. Nothing needs to physically restrain him. His uncertainty, hesitation, and relentless self-examination do much of the work.

How we perceive ourselves can become a prison with no walls.

Those may be the hardest prisons to escape because there is nothing obvious to tear down. No bars to bend. No lock waiting for the right key. There is only the quiet certainty that this is who I am. I can’t do that. I’m too old. I’m not intelligent enough. People like me don’t belong there. Someone like that could never want someone like me. I tried once. I failed. This is simply the hand I’ve been dealt.

Some walls, of course, are real. Poverty is real. Prejudice is real. Age comes collecting whether we answer the door or not. Bodies have limitations, circumstances have consequences, and no amount of positive thinking turns concrete into mist. Pretending otherwise is motivational-poster bullshit.

But sometimes there isn’t a wall.

Sometimes there is only our perception of one.

Worse, sometimes somebody else built it for us.

We often find comfort and safety wrapped inside the ideals of another person. Parents tell us what respectable looks like. Teachers tell us what we’re capable of. Communities tell us where we belong. Lovers tell us what makes us worthy of love. Society hands us categories before we’ve learned enough about ourselves to question them. None of these influences must necessarily be malicious. Some protected us. Some gave us structure when we needed structure. Some taught us things worth keeping.

But a blanket can keep you warm long after it has become too small.

We are assembled from fragments: lessons learned, books read, music heard, films watched, conversations remembered, mistakes survived. Each adds something to the information through which we interpret the world. None of us sees from nowhere. We look through everything that came before, carrying what we know alongside everything we don’t know yet.

That raises an uncomfortable possibility. If our perception is shaped by the information available to us, what happens when new information contradicts what we thought we knew? What happens when experience reveals something that had always been there, but we lacked the knowledge—or perhaps the willingness—to recognize?

More importantly, what happens when the new information is about us?

Eventually, we have to decide which fragments still belong.

That is where this gets uncomfortable.

What happens when you shake off the blanket and stand naked before the truth about yourself?

Not your truth. I’ve become suspicious of that phrase here. The truth doesn’t need our ownership. I mean the truth about you, stripped of the flattering explanations, inherited expectations, convenient villains, excuses polished smooth from years of handling, and stories you’ve repeated so often you’ve forgotten you were the one telling them.

Now you’re exposed.

And perhaps the person you’re most exposed to is yourself.

Other people can be dismissed. We can argue with them, avoid them, accuse them of misunderstanding us, decide their opinions don’t matter, and go home feeling wonderfully vindicated. What we know about ourselves is considerably more difficult to escape, particularly when we begin to recognize how much of what confined us was accepted, inherited, or maintained by us.

Seeing that doesn’t make it disappear.

Knowledge isn’t courage.

Awareness isn’t transformation.

And recognizing the truth does not suddenly create responsibility.

You bore that responsibility all along.

Now you simply know it’s there.

Perhaps that’s how perspective changes our reality. It doesn’t change the truth. It changes what we’re capable of seeing, what we’re willing to acknowledge, and eventually what excuses remain available to us. We can learn more. We can look from another angle. We can question the fragments from which we’ve constructed ourselves. We can discover that some limitations are real while others have survived because we never seriously questioned them.

Or we can pull the blanket back over our heads.

That’s still a choice.

So maybe that man all those decades ago wasn’t dodging the question when he kept saying, Your perception is your reality. Maybe I was too busy demanding that he pick a side to understand what he was actually placing in front of us.

The truth was there.

It always had been.

So was the responsibility.

Now that you can see both, do you possess the courage to do something about it?


Author’s Note

Thanks, Sadje, for providing the catalyst that eventually became this essay. I never quite know where one of these Sunday Poser prompts is going to take me, and perhaps that’s part of the fun.

It’s wonderful to step away from fiction from time to time. Fiction gives me plenty of room to explore ideas, but there’s always the additional work of figuring out how to weave a concept into the story without making the characters sound like they suddenly wandered into a philosophy lecture. The idea has to belong there. It has to emerge from the characters, the circumstances, and whatever trouble I’ve gotten them into.

Non-fiction offers a different kind of freedom.

Sometimes you don’t need the character, the dark alley, the suspicious stranger, or somebody standing beneath a streetlamp contemplating all the terrible decisions that brought them there.

Sometimes you can just talk straight.

This question gave me the opportunity to do that. I started with perception, wandered through a memory several decades old, bumped into Eliot along the way, and eventually found myself somewhere considerably more uncomfortable: responsibility.

Apparently, even when I step away from fiction, I still manage to wander into the darker corners.

Thanks for the inspiration, Sadje, and for giving me another excuse to walk into the madness and see what was waiting there.


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8 thoughts on “Once You Know”

    1. Thanks, Di. I really appreciate that.

      This one surprised me a little. I started writing because I wasn’t entirely sure what I thought about the question, and somewhere along the way the damn thing stopped being about perception and became about responsibility. 😂

      Sometimes I think writing is just my way of arguing with myself until one of us makes a decent point. One of these days I’ll learn to stay on topic, but where’s the fun in that?

      Thanks for coming along for the argument, my friend.

      Like

      1. Thanks Mangus. I used to do that (arguing with myself) with my moan book as a teenager. Write everything down that was bothering me, who had pissed me off or feelings of insecurity. I’d read it a few days later, be totally critical to myself then rip the pages up! Hormones, emotions, current events etc always seemed to send my head in multiple directions and I’d lose track of which way was up. It kept things in perspective and I was able to deal with things sensibly………… well, most of the time! Keep writing my friend. Love your perspectives and thought processes.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Di, I think teenage you was onto something. 😂

        There’s something about putting all that noise onto the page that changes it. The problem may still be there, and whoever pissed you off may still deserve a few choice words, but now you can actually look at the damn thing instead of having it bouncing around inside your head.

        And then reading it a few days later and ripping it up? That might have been the most important part. You gave yourself permission to feel whatever you were feeling without requiring those feelings to become permanent.

        I suppose I’m still doing a version of your moan book. I just stopped ripping up the pages and started publishing the damn things. 😂

        Hell, I even named mine. Aren’t I cheeky?

        Thanks, my friend. I’ll keep writing.

        Like

  1. The first time someone suggested I was only living a perception, I was so furious I went home and swore a blue streak (yes I can on occasion if rarely) What the hell do you mean? Don bounces a ball…it bounced 3 times before Harold caught it. That’s NOT perception, that’s reality!!! The person was speaking to my life – my reality. I know what I endured, the totality of the life i’d lived…not out of want desire choice or need…and what’s more I didn’t have to add to the picture to make it real. No matter how you sliced it, there was no doubt about it the bruises broken bones and near death experiences proving the reality of it. So to be told it was perception literally infuriated me. Still does. I’ll have to give this time and thought because honestly, I still can’t wrap my head around the idea that what I’d lived was ‘perception’.

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    1. I understand why that would make you angry. And perhaps this is where the wording itself creates a problem.

      If Don bounces a ball three times before Harold catches it, the ball bounced three times. Our perception doesn’t get a vote. And something that physically happened to us does not become less real because somebody introduces the word “perception.”

      That distinction became important to me while writing this. I don’t believe perception changes the truth. I think it changes how we interpret the truth, what we understand about it, and sometimes what we believe it means about ourselves.

      That’s why I wrote, “Some walls, of course, are real.”

      Some damn well are.

      Maybe the more interesting question isn’t whether what happened was real, but what happens to our understanding of ourselves as we acquire enough distance, information, and experience to look at what happened from another angle.

      And even then, a different perspective doesn’t erase the event.

      You’ve given me something else to think about, my friend. Take whatever time you need with it. Hell, I spent several decades arguing with that sentence before I managed to write this essay. 😂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Ty. I probably shouldn’t have vented here. I would have posed the question privately but wasn’t sure it was appropriate amd didn’t have an email address. So apologies. Still pondering. Perception is is personified still.. lololol not changed yet 😅 real is real amen end of story. even if your perception is skewed abd wrong meahahaha couldn’t resist.

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