DAILY PROMPT RESPONSE – ME CUTTING UP
I Don’t Slap for Free, But I Would
A Field Guide to Slappin’ Sense into the Senseless
MiMi used to say, “Don’t let me slap the taste out ya mouth.”
I never really got it as a kid. Thought it was just one of those old-school sayings.
She also proudly declared herself a lifelong member of the “Slap-a-Hoe” tribe—a community based in tough love, real consequences, and zero tolerance for nonsense.
I didn’t understand it then.
But then I got older… and started experiencing dumbshit firsthand.
Now I get it. Fully.
If slapping people for dumbshit was a job, I’d have seniority, stock options, and a custom glove.
I wouldn’t even need a career—just one day. One glorious 24-hour shift to clean up the streets and correct the vibes.
This isn’t just about rage. This is about justice.
Public safety. Social service. Soul alignment via hand-to-face contact.
Training? You think this kind of precision comes naturally? Nah.
I’ve spent countless hours jabbing my hands into a bucket of sand, conditioning my palms for maximum impact.
Builds the strength for a proper open-hand slap and the disrespect required for a cold, sharp backhand.
And if you need an example of how a proper slap should be executed, look no further than the late, great Legend: Bernie Mac.
Take a moment. Pull up that clip from Head of State. (
You know the one—where he walks off that bus and starts slappin’ people like it’s a spiritual duty?
That wasn’t a movie scene. That was a demonstration. A clinic in open-hand excellence.
The footwork. The commitment. The follow-through. That man slapped with his whole soul.
Wrist loose. Elbow firm. Palm flat. Delivery: divine.
Each slap had meaning. Each face deserved it. And honestly, each viewer felt seen.
That’s the energy. That’s the standard.
Bernie didn’t act—he activated.
The Sacred Code of the Slap-a-Hoe Tribe
Founded: Unofficially. Feared: Universally.
Motto: “Talk reckless, get checked.”
Membership Requirements:
- Must have an intolerance for foolishness.
- Must be capable of delivering a slap with intention, precision, and righteous indignation.
- Must not slap indiscriminately—only when dumbshit reaches terminal levels.
Core Rules:
- Thou shalt not let foolishness go unchecked.
- Slaps must be earned, not given.
- Always slap with an open palm and a closed heart.
- One slap = one lesson.
- Respect the elders. MiMi walked so we could slap.
Tools of the Trade:
- Conditioned hands
- Glove of Judgment™
- Mirror (for self-reflection after impact)
- Corn Huskers Lotion – to keep hands conditioned.
Known Tribal Territories:
- Family cookouts
- Grocery store lines
- Playgrounds – when parents get carried away, stating their children are angels.
- That one auntie’s porch where truths are handed out with sweet tea
To be Slap-a-Hoe is to be a protector of peace. A guardian of sense. A bringer of clarity.
People Who Deserve to Be Slapped (Not a Complete List):
- Jackasses who change the formula on tasty foods.
How dare you play with my emotions like that? That recipe was perfect. Nobody asked for “less sugar” or “new texture.” I hope you stub your toe forever. - People who pick on others for no rational reason.
What’s it like being a grown adult with playground bully energy? Get over here and take this slap like a good boy. - Asshats who disrespect women just for existing.
Oh, you’re about to be humbled. You’re gonna be a Bitch, today. No days off.
I learned this rule the hard way.
Left side of my face? Leather. Right side? Baby’s bottom.
That slap didn’t just reset my attitude—it synced it with the truth. - Folks who say “Let’s agree to disagree” after saying something objectively wrong.
Nah. You don’t get to be wrong and smug. Open palm. Full swing. Learn something. - People who chew with their mouths open in a quiet room.
You get one warning. Repeated offenses may not be a war crime, but it feels like one. You’re getting slapped on principle. - Adults who say “I’m just brutally honest” as a cover for being rude and unwashed.
Cool, I’m just brutally slappy. Let’s compare styles. - Anyone who thinks “The customer is always right.”
The customer is often loud, wrong, and overdue for a palm-to-cheek correction.
I don’t need a title. I don’t need a desk.
Just give me a list, a stretch break, and a reason.
Soft foods. Straws. Humbled souls.
That’s the care package I leave behind.
MiMi tried to warn y’all. I’m just the one delivering the message. Why only one day, I have a feeling my hands would be sore
Memoirs of Madness 