The Ache; The Regret

POETRY – MLMM #428

Hey, do you miss me?
The ache churns so slowly.
We found common ground,
but only after the fires.
The hard part is done.
Where you’d go?

I close my eyes
because yours won’t open.
The stillness is sharper now.
Colder.
Like it knows
what’s missing.

Time doesn’t pass here—
it gathers.
Cools around me,
wraps my spine like smoke.

You blinked once—
and left everything behind.
I don’t blame you.
But I still ask.

We were never perfect.
But in the spaces between the noise,
we held each other
like we meant it.
We were one —
not whole, just held.

Your memory sings to me softly—
what do I go?

What version of me survives
without the rhythm
of your breath beside mine?

I know you hide the words.
You are afraid to speak.
Don’t hide with me.
Your actions are so loud.

Even in silence,
you told on yourself.
Every absence,
every closed door,
every goodbye you never said
but lived.

Your side of the bed still curves.
Like you’re paused,
not gone.
But I know better.

A rainbow brushed the sky yesterday.
It didn’t stay.
Like you —
always near,
never quite here.

Are these words bound to fail?
Speak to me, hope, and follow through.
Don’t build a future in silence
and ask me to live in it.

My hope rests on every word you don’t say.
But I never told you
What I stood for.
Have I waited too long?
Did you leave thinking
I had nothing left to give?

The truth is,
I was afraid, too.
Of saying it wrong.
Of loving you louder
than you could stand.

If there’s anything beyond this,
I hope it’s not heaven.
I hope it’s just
You and me again,
quiet,
not pretending.
Present.
And finally
telling the truth.

I know you were right—
because my silence was gone.


Emotion in Disguise: What Modernist Poetry Really Feels

ESSAY – JAVA & VERSE

How Teaching, Trauma, and Innovation Keep Modernism Alive Today

When I lectured on poetry, I always felt that the material used wasn’t keeping pace with the times. Poetry has evolved—radically, beautifully—but the way we teach it? Not so much.

The curriculum often clings to rigid categories, ignoring the electric shift in voice, form, and identity that defines our current generation of poets. Modernism, in particular, gets framed as cold and impenetrable, when in truth, it’s full of feeling—just coded, fragmented, and refracted through the chaos of its age. This essay is my attempt to reframe that lens, to show that even when modernist poets claimed to escape emotion, they were actually inventing new ways to express it.

Modernism in Poetry: Emotion in Disguise

Once upon a time, poetry was in love with itself. It rhymed, it sighed, it danced through rose gardens under the moonlight.

Then came Modernism, and poetry had a breakdown. Or maybe a breakthrough. Either way, it stopped pretending everything made sense.

Modernist poetry emerged in the late 19th and early 20th centuries as a fiery rejection of Victorian sentimentality and Romantic melodrama. The old poetic order collapsed under the weight of war, industrial chaos, and deep existential dread. Modernist poets didn’t just shift gears—they set fire to the vehicle and walked away from the wreckage.

World War I turned landscapes into graveyards and ideals into ruins. Suddenly, poetry couldn’t afford to be polite. The genteel, pastoral verses of the past felt dishonest in a world haunted by gas masks, shellshock, and trench mud. Poets had to find a new language for a new kind of grief—and modernism answered the call.

Their rallying cry? Make it new. But that didn’t mean shinier or simpler. It meant fragmented, disjointed, allusive, ambiguous, and unapologetically difficult. It meant challenging readers to confront reality as it was: broken, unstable, and brutally honest.

Emotion in the Age of Irony

T.S. Eliot, one of modernism’s high priests, famously argued for poetic “impersonality”—an escape from emotion rather than an outpouring of it. In essays like “Tradition and the Individual Talent,” he promoted a poetry that transformed feelings into universal truths through rigorous craft.

But let’s be honest: Eliot’s work is emotionally loaded. The Waste Land practically sweats anxiety, loss, and spiritual exhaustion. It’s just wearing a very intellectual trench coat. Consider the lines:

“I will show you fear in a handful of dust.”

That’s not emotionless—that’s terror, disillusionment, and existential dread, crystallized in a single line.

Modernist poets didn’t stop feeling. They just stopped making it obvious.

Emotion didn’t leave the building; it ducked behind fragmented syntax, layered allusions, and shifting perspectives. If Romantic poets sobbed openly, Modernists cried in code. Virginia Woolf said it best: “On or about December 1910, human character changed.” The form had to follow.

The Poet’s New Job Description

So, is the poet still supposed to express their feelings?

Yes—but not necessarily in the way previous generations understood it. The modernist poet became less of a lyrical confessor and more of a curator of chaos, a mapmaker of mental and social disintegration.

They still responded to the world—they just didn’t trust language to carry raw emotion without distortion. The job wasn’t to simply say, “I feel,” but to build structures that evoke feeling in the reader through complexity.

Take Ezra Pound’s imagism, for example. The emotions are there, but compressed into precise images—a few words with the density of granite. In “In a Station of the Metro,” he writes:

“The apparition of these faces in the crowd; / Petals on a wet, black bough.”

In just 14 words, he delivers a fleeting, haunted image of urban life—emotion without explanation.

Or H.D. (Hilda Doolittle), whose poetry strips myth to its emotional core, blending trauma and transcendence through crystal-cut language. Her poem “Oread” demands:

“Whirl up, sea— / Whirl your pointed pines, / Splash your great pines / On our rocks.”

The natural world becomes charged with urgency and erotic force. It’s minimalist, but the emotion crackles.

Enter the Outsiders: Ethnic Voices Redefine the Game

Jean Toomer, author of Cane, masterfully blended poetic and narrative modes to explore race, memory, and identity in modernist form. His lines from the vignette “November Cotton Flower” are both lyrical and piercing:

“But cotton flowers bloomed as the snow fell. / The same thing happened every year, but / It was just as strange to him now as then.”

Toomer’s work drifts between prose and poetry, reality and myth, reflecting the fragmented self of the early 20th-century Black experience.

Another haunting moment comes from the poem “Georgia Dusk,” where Toomer captures the tension between cultural memory and modern displacement:

“A feast of moon and men and barking hounds, / An orgy for some genius of the South / With blood-hot eyes and chicken-lust and Dixie / Moonlight…”

This excerpt seethes with layered imagery—ritual, violence, beauty, and longing—all compressed into a snapshot of Southern Black life distorted by history and myth.

Nella Larsen, and others grappled with identity, dual consciousness, and racial experience using all the modernist tools—fragmentation, symbolism, free indirect discourse.

  • Asian American poets like Yone Noguchi and Sadakichi Hartmann merged Eastern poetic tradition with Western modernist aesthetics, expressing alienation and cultural negotiation in radically new forms. Hartmann’s haiku and Noguchi’s lyrical innovations brought introspective nuance to the movement.
  • Latin American writers associated with Modernismo, like Rubén Darío and José Martí, were remixing lyricism and experiment before Anglo-American poets caught up. Darío’s poetic voice declared a rebellion against colonial linguistic norms while experimenting with form:

“Youth, divine treasure, / you go and will not return.”

These voices challenged the notion that modernism was an elite, Eurocentric experiment. They showed that fragmented identities, complex cultural legacies, and emotional nuance weren’t just compatible with modernism—they were its heart.

Why It Still Matters

Today’s poets are still echoing the modernist ethos—whether consciously or not. Ocean Vuong’s fragmented lyricism, Claudia Rankine’s hybrid forms, and Terrance Hayes’ formal innovation all carry the spirit of modernism into the 21st century. These writers play with structure, voice, and silence in ways that resonate deeply with modernist experimentation. Vuong’s On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous is, in many ways, a modernist epic disguised as memoir, laced with dislocation and myth. Rankine’s Citizen fuses poetry, essay, and visual art—alienating and urgent. Hayes’s American Sonnets for My Past and Future Assassin reshapes a traditional form into something eerily postmodern, yet deeply modernist in its emotional restraint and coded rage.

As a teacher, I believe reintroducing modernism through this living lineage is essential. If we teach it not as a dusty archive, but as an ongoing conversation—a set of tools that today’s poets still use, twist, and question—it becomes something vibrant. Something urgent. Something real.

Modernism isn’t over. It’s evolved. It continues to whisper—sometimes scream—through the voices of today’s poets, who dismantle and reconstruct identity, form, and meaning with every line they write. That’s not just exciting—it’s a necessary response to our own disjointed world.

So read it. Re-read it. Struggle with it. That’s part of the experience—because poetry, like life, doesn’t hand you answers. It demands your attention, your resilience, your curiosity. It mirrors the way we stumble through grief, joy, contradiction, and complexity. In an age of tweets and filters, poetry—and especially modernist poetry—reminds us how to sit with ambiguity. As Eliot might say, it is the “still point of the turning world”—poetry that stands still while everything else falls apart.

In a world still wrestling with identity crises, global conflict, cultural hybridity, and the failure of institutions, modernist poetry remains weirdly relevant. Its refusal to pretend, its hunger for new forms, and its emotionally guarded yet powerfully resonant core—what we might call “coded vulnerability”—offer something today’s overly curated emotional expressions can’t: authentic complexity.

Perforated Silence

POETRY – FOWC & RDP

Why do I bother to write?

Each word drifts into the void—unanswered, unheard.
They vanish like smoke—transparent. Gone.
Not because they’re sacred or encrypted in G-14 code—
but because no one’s looking. No one’s listening.

There was a time when that silenced me.

“Why speak?”
“No one listens.”
“Does it even matter?”

Do you matter?

Some days, that voice won.
It slid into my bones, curled behind my ribs, and whispered me into silence.
Told me I was just scribbling into darkness.
That my pain was recycled. That I was nothing new. Nothing needed.

But even then, something fought back.

A flicker. A breath that refused to die.

I had forgotten why I came here.
Lost the thread. Lost myself in fog.

But I remember now.

I write because I must.
To survive the war within.
Not the loud, cinematic kind—
but a silent, grinding, bloody war.
Fought in mirrors. In 3 a.m. thoughts.
In doubts that circle like vultures.
In guilt that clings like wet ash.

We don’t talk about it. Not really.
But we all feel it.
That private battlefield behind the eyes.
The endless rummage through our own wreckage,
hoping to find something still whole. Something still true.

I’m not here to prove I exist.
I’m here to understand why I keep breathing through the wreckage.
Not seeking praise—seeking peace.

To sift through ruins.
To bleed on the page.
To let the shards of memory cut me clean,
and the embers of regret burn what no longer serves me.

There is hope in the fire.

And I have not walked alone.
Some of you were there—watching, listening,
fighting your own quiet wars beside me.
We faced Lunacy like pilgrims, eyes wide, daring her to do her worst.

You stayed.

For that, I owe everything.

So I write.
Not because I’m whole—
but because I’m becoming.

Page after page.
Sentence after sentence.
Word after word.

Until the silence breaks.

And something holy rises
from the blood.

Swallowed, then Speak

POETRY – DEFIANCE

What is the moment when I scream into silence?

But I’m silent, really—
no sound, no voice,
just a mouth stretched wide around something too big to name.
My eyes glaze—not with calm, but with shock.
A thin film of disbelief over everything.
My heart races.
I’m wrecked like a tsunami with no quarter,
flung breathless against the shore.

It’s not quiet.
Not truly.
It’s a silence that throbs,
that undresses me,
strips me down to the rawest nerve.

Why?
Am I afraid to speak what I feel?
I push it down until I crack.
Swallow the pain, the misery, the grief—
like that’s what strength is.
As if silence means control.

But inside, it never stops screaming.

I’ve built a prison with no walls.
I’m both prisoner and warden.
Every emotion I swallow—another brick.
My tears, the mortar.
The longer I hold on,
the harder the mortar sets.

Letting go should be simple.
But I can’t.
I won’t.
I have to be strong.
Another brick.

The chains tear into me.
I pull and pull,
begging for clemency I know isn’t coming.
Skin breaks.
Something deeper frays.
Still I pull.
Still I scream.
Another brick.
How did I get here?

I slump into the abyss of agony.
Its waves strangely soft,
almost soothing.
The ghosts of my past wrap around me,
pulling me under.

Is this peace?
Is this what I deserve?

No.

I scream NOOOOO!!!
A final act of defiance.
A rupture in the silence.
A crack in the wall.

I scream again—louder.
Louder than the pain.
Louder than the ghosts.
Louder than everything that told me to stay quiet.

The final word is no longer a whisper.
The silence and I become one.
And we finally—

SPEAK.


Reach

CHALLENGE RESPONSE – POETRY

problems left behind you—
ghosts with no mouths left to speak.
you walked on,
didn’t flinch.

bare your soul.
not for them.
for you.
because silence
never saved anyone.

whenever i look at the ocean,
i see a version of myself
that doesn’t need fixing.
just space.
just time.
just tide.

home—is
a sound you remember,
not a place you stand.
it’s warm light on old walls.
the echo of your name
spoken like love,
not demand.

reach for infinity.
not to conquer it,
but to know
you were never meant to fit in the lines.



This piece was written for Reena’s Xploration Challenge #374. This week, she asked us to pick a blog or more to write something. I was surprised that I hadn’t written for her challenge before. I hope I got it right. Anyway, I chose the following:

Eugenia’s Moonwashed Musings, and then I ran into her challenge, Moonwashed Weekly Prompts. I don’t participate often, but I always enjoy myself when I get over there. This week is no different. Her poem for this week struck a chord, so I scribbled a few notes. It served as the bones of this piece.

Sadje’s KeepitAlive is another blog I read regularly when I decide to keep it out of my head. In her piece “Homecoming,” her line “home is” has quiet power and hits hard. As an old soldier, I remember the importance of “home.” So, I scribbled some more, and the bones got thicker.

Melissa’s Mom With a Blog hosts these flash fiction challenges, which I enjoy. Often, I scribble pieces for them, but they are used in something else. Every now and again, I manage to finish one just for that challenge and post it. This week, I found her piece, “coming home” whose opening line pushed me over the edge. So, I started scribbling a little more. Her image inspired by the graphics for this piece. I love the feel of that image; I will probably write something for it. And we’ll see if it actually makes it out of my notebook.

I haven’t written any new poetry in quite a while. My brain seems to be churning out the longer stuff. Thanks, ladies, for helping me find my way back.

Justice

POETRY – INTROSPECTION

In this moment…
the righteous
simply
wait …

Transgressors
plea their
fate …

Black robed, white wigged beaks
decree…

Which is which

Shattering
Souls …

At the hammer’s fall

Echo…

JUSTICE!

Poem of the Day – 04282024

Ode on the Spring BY THOMAS GRAY


Lo! where the rosy-bosom’d Hours,
Fair Venus’ train appear,
Disclose the long-expecting flowers,
And wake the purple year!
The Attic warbler pours her throat,
Responsive to the cuckoo’s note,
The untaught harmony of spring:
While whisp’ring pleasure as they fly,
Cool zephyrs thro’ the clear blue sky
Their gather’d fragrance fling.

Where’er the oak’s thick branches stretch
A broader, browner shade;
Where’er the rude and moss-grown beech
O’er-canopies the glade,
Beside some water’s rushy brink
With me the Muse shall sit, and think
(At ease reclin’d in rustic state)
How vain the ardour of the crowd,
How low, how little are the proud,
How indigent the great!

Still is the toiling hand of Care:
The panting herds repose:
Yet hark, how thro’ the peopled air
The busy murmur glows!
The insect youth are on the wing,
Eager to taste the honied spring,
And float amid the liquid noon:
Some lightly o’er the current skim,
Some show their gaily-gilded trim
Quick-glancing to the sun.

To Contemplation’s sober eye
Such is the race of man:
And they that creep, and they that fly,
Shall end where they began.
Alike the busy and the gay
But flutter thro’ life’s little day,
In fortune’s varying colours drest:
Brush’d by the hand of rough Mischance,
Or chill’d by age, their airy dance
They leave, in dust to rest.

Methinks I hear in accents low
The sportive kind reply:
Poor moralist! and what art thou?
A solitary fly!
Thy joys no glitt’ring female meets,
No hive hast thou of hoarded sweets,
No painted plumage to display:
On hasty wings thy youth is flown;
Thy sun is set, thy spring is gone—
We frolic, while ’tis May.

Poem of the Day – 04252024

A Tear And A Smile by Khalil Gibran


I would not exchange the sorrows of my heart
For the joys of the multitude.
And I would not have the tears that sadness makes
To flow from my every part turn into laughter.

I would that my life remain a tear and a smile.

A tear to purify my heart and give me understanding
Of life’s secrets and hidden things.
A smile to draw me nigh to the sons of my kind and
To be a symbol of my glorification of the gods.

A tear to unite me with those of broken heart;
A smile to be a sign of my joy in existence.

I would rather that I died in yearning and longing than that I live weary and despairing.

I want the hunger for love and beauty to be in the
Depths of my spirit,for I have seen those who are
Satisfied the most wretched of people.
I have heard the sigh of those in yearning and longing, and it is sweeter than the sweetest melody.

With evening’s coming the flower folds her petals
And sleeps, embracing her longing.
At morning’s approach she opens her lips to meet
The sun’s kiss.

The life of a flower is longing and fulfilment.
A tear and a smile.

The waters of the sea become vapor and rise and come
Together and are a cloud.

And the cloud floats above the hills and valleys
Until it meets the gentle breeze, then falls weeping
To the fields and joins with brooks and rivers to return to the sea, its home.

The life of clouds is a parting and a meeting.
A tear and a smile.

And so does the spirit become separated from
The greater spirit to move in the world of matter
And pass as a cloud over the mountain of sorrow
And the plains of joy to meet the breeze of death
And return whence it came.

To the ocean of Love and Beauty—-to God.

Morning Air – 20 Years Later

PROSE – REFLECTION

The morning chill creeps through my layers as I sit on my porch, twirling my finger playfully in my whiskers. I swallow a sip of coffee while tugging at them, lost in the depths of my thoughts. The amber glow of the collision between night and dawn illuminates the horizon. Today, a man was born that brought so much light to the world. His presence hurled us out of a darkness that had engulfed us for nearly a hundred years—a man whose vision, courage, and devotion to humanity will never be forgotten.

Sipping coffee, I watch the lights turn on one by one as the neighborhood awakens. A community in which I could have never lived if it wasn’t for this man’s efforts. Not because where I live now is better than where I grew up. Society’s attitude is better. I remember the speech of this brave man as a child being replayed every year during my youth: a vision of hope, love, determination, and courage. His speech or vision served as a beacon representing one of hell of a dream.

Now a seasoned man, I wonder if my efforts in life have helped fulfill that dream. We fought for God, Country, and the ideal of freedom. We spent countless hours away from home in pursuit of the vision on the mountaintop. The endless miles walked for the dream of the Promised Land. No mile did I walk alone. Each mile walked and every hour spent away was in the faith that a moment of hatred was erased. I hoped they would ring the bell of freedom. A sound heard in the souls of each man and woman in the land. A faith I held on to with all my might, even though it was sometimes fleeting.

Each time I heard the word Jew, it took away a little bit of hope. Whenever I heard the word cracker, freedom’s bell rang a little softer. Every time I heard the word spick or chili pepper, humanity’s love got a little weaker. Each time I heard the nigger humanity’s dignity lessen. However, each time I heard these, we fought harder to fulfill the dream of a man we had never known. We risked our lives to fulfill a dream our forefathers wrote nearly two hundred years before my birth.

I look upon my granddaughter, who shifts under her blanket of freedom provided by the fulfillment of this dream, a granddaughter who turns a year older today. She is allowed to live in a world and taste the crispness of a freedom that wouldn’t have been without his dream. A smile comes across my face as I finish my coffee. I smack my lips because I, too, taste the crispness of freedom in the fresh morning air.

Now, I’m a great-grandfather. I still taste the crispness of freedom in the morning air. It’s rather tasty!