RANDOM THOUGHT – A RANT? – PEP TALK?
I write these words for an unknown reason. Something keeps gnawing at me to speak, but I do not know what. Yet, I’m sure many writers have faced this exact issue, not knowing what to say or how to say it. I recall long ago when I decided writing was something I was passionate about doing for the rest of my life. Also, I remember feeling no one wanted to hear what I had to say. So I wrote my thoughts, dreams, ideas, and fears in a notebook. I hid its contents from the world. If I am being honest, I hid them from myself. The instance I doubted myself, I became defeated. A player in a rigged game, and I didn’t even know the rules.
Back then, you seldom heard words like; depression, anxiety, or low self-esteem. However, I remember phrases like, “Stop being a pussy” or “Get your shit together.” Today, people attempt to listen to the problems we face. It’s kind of nice. Anxiety, depression, and other mental issues are real. We must, as a people and society, respect them. Witnessing people getting the help they need and being true to themselves is beautiful. Yet, like everything, we go a little overboard if people let us. Somehow, amidst all the self-imposed crap, I kept writing. I’m not even sure how or why.
I kept looking for external validation of my talent. As if I needed someone to walk up to me and say, “Man, you’re one hell of a writer.” Yes, of course, this happens. Sometimes comments, reviews, and other accolades are plenty and fulfilling. However, what do we do when they don’t come? Your inbox is empty, and a deafening silence surrounds you. People you’ve asked to read your work avoid you. They are swamped now, “They haven’t had the time to read.” Or they give you, my favorite, the delicious lie. “My God, your work was amazing. I couldn’t stop reading. I read everything on site.” This utterance is coupled with a plastic smile and hollow sentiment.
What do you do?
You turn to a blank page and pick up a pen. Then, write your ass off. Whatever it is you’re feeling. Let it fly. Write the good, the bad, and the ugly. Tell it straight and write true. Let no one tell you any different, and when they do, simply look at them, and say, “Yahoo…Kiss my Grits!” Flo would be proud. No matter what, keep writing. It may not turn out you make it to The NY Times bestseller list. Or you may never win a covenant prize. However, what you have done is tell a portion of your story. I hope you realize this happens in every story we write. Don’t worry about it, and it’s okay; it’s just fine.
Sometimes my journal is my confessional, and my readers are my priests. Yet, some things chronicled within those pages are mine, and I bear their weight alone as we do with certain things. My method or ideas aren’t for everyone, but writing them, and getting that crap out of my head, has kept me on this side of the veil. Where I have the hope of happiness, the urge for acceptance, and the whisper of redemption, I speak of it too loud; it may become vapor.
Somewhere in these words, I suppose, is a message to you, the reader, a pep talk of sorts. Yet, as I finish the closing sentence, this is nothing more than a pep talk to myself. I hope I listen.
Mangus Khan 
thank you for reading and sharing.
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